Holla Back, Como!: 3rd time is... STILL not actually charming.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

3rd time is... STILL not actually charming.

This seems like this happens all the time and until now, I've just brushed it off or ranted to my friends, but I think telling these stories will empower us and help stop street harassment. Here are some of the encounters I've had in the last 6 months. Most of the the harassment I've received has happened during the summer.

I recall one evening I was walking to a friend's house to hang out, it wasn't too terribly late maybe 9ish and the street was pretty quiet.
I live on 5th and my friend lived only a few blocks away on 9th so I wasn't worried about walking alone.
These four dudes were standing in a group and as I passed on the other side of the street they began to yell "Hey, Cutie...What are you doing?" "Where are you headed to all by yourself?"
I didn't know how to respond, so I just played the nice card, politely smiled.
Then one of the dudes came up to me and introduced himself as "Blue", he asked me what I was up to and what I was doing out so late. I felt totally uncomfortable but didn't want to provoke anything so I just said I was going to my friend's and that it wasn't too late at all for me to be out and that I had to get going because I was late. He reached out for my hand saying something about how I'm so beautiful and he just wanted to touch me. I said no thanks and that I had to go because I was so late. I rushed off feeling small and pitiful and had my friend walk me back home later that night.

Another one happened again in the summer when I was leaving my house to walk downtown to the Peace Nook, and two guys were walking towards me. One was visibly drunk and started the cat calling. He stumbled towards me and tried to touch my hair. The other wrangled him in and apologized for his friend's behavior, and then let me go on my way.

And finally, this one happened just two weeks ago...when I was walking home during the snow storm.
My nose was running, my glasses were fogged and as I passed the court house on Walnut street a man walking past remarked, "Girllll, you sure are looking finnnnnnnnnne" and then proceeded to keep saying "Owwww, girllllll" as I passed.
I didn't say anything or really even look at him. I was so angry that this keeps happening to me and that I don't seem to know what do to about it.

Post by Mary

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What you can do...

Email us your stories of street harassment! *

hollabackcomo@
rocketmail.com

Whether it happened an hour ago, yesterday, or 4 years ago, we want to hear about it!*
If you feel like it's possible, take a picture of the harasser and send it to the email also.
We'll post that along with your story so the jerk gets some sort of justice, and so you feel you've done something about it.

**Hollaback CoMO cares about your privacy and well being, we disable comments, and your post is always strictly confidential and anonymous unless you specify otherwise.
If there is anything we can do to make you feel more comfortable with sharing a story here, please let us know at the email below.

Don't have a story, but would still like to contribute?
Email us and let us know!

Policies

It's a common stereotype and misconception that men of color are more likely to be the perpetrators of street harassment and sexual violence in all forms. We at HollaBack seek to debunk these myths by providing information to the contrary, as well as having a strict policy that posts not include the race of the attacker.This is also our policy regarding sizist, homophobic, classicist, ablist, or otherwise.

We don't believe replacing sexism with any other oppressive language is a proper Hollaback!

If you have further questions, or wish to learn more through other resources, please contact us at :

Hollabackcomo@rocketmail.com

FAQ!

Question: Are you a bunch of crazed feminazis who hate men?

Answer: Actually, HollaBack is a collective comprised of women AND men who believe in building communities where everyone feels comfortable, safe, and respected. Many people, particularly men, are unaware of the frequency and severity of disrespect and intimidation that numerous folks, especially women, experience in public spaces on a daily basis. HollaBackCoMo aims to expose and combat street harassment as well as provide an empowering forum in this struggle.

Question: OK, but what exactly is street harassment?

Answer: Street harassment is a form of sexual harassment that takes place in public spaces. At its core street harassment is a power dynamic that constantly reminds historically subordinated groups (women and LGBTQ folks, for example) of their vulnerability to assault in public spaces. Further, it reinforces the ubiquitous sexual objectification of these groups in everyday life.

At HollaBackCoMo, we believe that what specifically counts as street harassment is determined by those who experience it. While there is always the classic, “Hey baby, nice tits” there are so many other forms that go unnoted. If you feel like you have been harassed, HOLLA BACK!

Question: I heard something about your position on anti-racism. What’s that about, and what does it have to do with street harassment?

Don’t understand? See our anti-racist statement.

Any further questions can be directed to: Hollabackcomo@rocketmail.com

Question: But isn’t your idea of “street harassment” just belittling another person’s culture?

Answer: Street harassers occupy the full spectrum of class, race, and ethnicity.

Question: Confronting street harassers can be dangerous. What about safety issues?

Answer: While everyone is vulnerable to stranger rape and sexual assault, studies show that those who are aware of their surroundings, walk with confidence, and if harassed respond assertively, are less vulnerable. Nevertheless, direct confrontations with street harassers may prove extremely dangerous, particularly alone or in unpopulated spaces. While it is each individual’s right to decide when, how, and if to Holla Back, do keep issues of safety in mind. Upon deciding to photograph a harasser, you may consider doing so after the initial encounter and from a distance, ensuring the harasser is unaware of your actions.

Question: I am a man who was recently sexually objectified by a woman on the street. I think this is reverse harassment. Why won’t you post my story?

Answer: While a woman making unsolicited sexual remarks to a man is certainly conceivable, the power dynamics of such an encounter are very different in a society where women comprise a historically subordinated group. HollaBack is a project dedicated to combating a particular form of violence that designates subordinated groups (such as women and LGBTQ folks, for example) as targets in public spaces or otherwise vulnerable to unsolicited, non-consensual encounters with strangers. It is thus not a forum for reporting other unpleasantries.

Question: Isn’t street harassment the price you pay for living in a city?

Answer: No, local taxes are the price you pay for living in a city. We would love to see some portion of our local taxes go towards preventing street harassment, but alas, they don’t.In fact, street harassment is not confined to urban areas. It occurs in shopping malls, cars, parking lots, public parks, airplanes, fast-food restaurants, gas stations, churches, and numerous other public spaces.

Question: So let’s say a man sees a woman he thinks is attractive and tells her so. Are you saying that makes him a harasser?

Answer: Some do not find comments such as “Hello, beautiful” or “Hey, gorgeous” offensive. Many do. Others may find them intimidating, intrusive, or just an annoying pain in the ass. Keep in mind that many women experience unsolicited comments, as well as violent verbal assault, from men in public spaces on a regular basis. Rather than deliberating the “gray areas” of street harassment, treat everyone you encounter with respect.

Question: If you show off your boobage, shouldn’t you expect some compliments?

Answer: Sure, expect them, but don’t accept them! Just because it happens doesn’t mean it’s okay. A compliment is not a compliment if it makes the recipient feel bad.

Question: Sure, but if “the harasser” were hot, wouldn’t you like it?

Answer: This has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with power.

Mission!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

3rd time is... STILL not actually charming.

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